I'm finally getting around to posting some more pictures of Ellian. These are all of the professional ones we've had taken. The first four were taken when she was 5 months old, and the last 6 were taken on Beggars night, the day before Halloween. Isn't she just the cutest ducky on this planet?........ She is now 7 months old, they grow up so fast.

I got a laptop, I got a laptop, I got a laptop, yay, yay, yay!

Ok, had to get that out of my system. So.. yeah I got a laptop, its a cheapy sale one from walmart, but its actually pretty good. I thought I would have to wipe off Windows Vista and put on XP, because it olny has a single core processor, but I went ahead and tried it out and its not that bad. The best part of all is I have free high speed internet access. I can pick up the wireless signal from the library down the street. That makes Richard happy cause I can get rid of dial-up and the home phone now, and that'll save us $30 a month, and he can set up his own computer now, since I don't need the desk. This is making Dukie happier too cause now I can sit on the couch with him instead on him lying by himself pouting....lol. Ellians sleeping right now, she is so precious. I can't believe how big shes gotten. We got a halloween picture taken of her in her Duckie costume, I'll try to post some on here soon. Shes waking up now, so I should go get something to eat now before she gets sick of her chair. I hope everyones doing well, and I'll try to keep up on here more often. Later all.

I know I haven't updated in a while, and I still don't really have time to do a proper update and don't know when I will. So, I just figured since I have a few minutes I would at least post some pics of the baby girl. By the way if some of you didn't know, my daughter Ellian Judith Rose was born on April 14th, she weighed 5 pounds 12 ounces, and was 19 3/4 inches long. Now for some pics, they're from when she was first born and she was a little jaundice so shes yellowish in them. Hopefully I'll have newer pics soon.

I got to make this quick Richards waiting for me to get off here. I went to the OBGYN today and had an ultrasound done. The baby was stubborn and we almost didn't find out what it was, but finally she shifted into a good position. Anyway, here are some pics for you to enjoy. This is Ellian Judith Rose Binns.....





The rest I'll put behind a cut... Warning: If you don't want to see baby cooter don't click link, not that there is much to see.

( More baby pics... )



If you want a Christmas card with a baby picture, email me at erika_leigh83@yahoo.com with your address. All cards are coming with the first pic if you want one of the others also tell me which one and I'll send it too.

Richard and I had a decent day, started out pretty shitty but got better. I'll skip through the shitty part and get to the interesting part of our day. Around 7:30pm we decided to go for a bike ride, after we spent the day buying parts and fixing up our bikes. We rode to the park just down the road and took the trails west towards MLK, turned back just before where the river crosses Euclid. On the way back east we saw a mother deer with two youngins. They were only about twenty feet away and didnt run when we went past, we stopped and watched them for a minute then moved on. We got back to where the trails splits and went the other direction where theres a park by North High school before you get to sixth. We stopped there for a rest and as I looked aroung I saw a big brown thing which at first I thought was a tree stump, it ended up being a huge beaver, definately a bot cause he had huge balls that drug on the ground as he walked across the trail about 10 feet from us. We went on further down to under the 6th Ave bridge then turned back. We left the trails and on the way out saw a yellow cat, that fucker must be tough to hang around out there. Leaving the trail you have to go up a really steap hill and then you reenter the park. Well after the long ride I could hardly get up the hill and when I did I was really out of breath. So we stopped for another rest. I look up past Richard towards the park and saw a couple on a blacket right next to the tennis courts having sex. So it was an all around nature loving day. Then we went to my dads and went swimming which was great till I tried to get out and my legs felt like the weighed hundreds of pounds. Well we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Talk at yas later. CYA!

You know a day isn't gonna go well when it starts out with getting stung six times by a wasp. Luckily it was only a baby wasp but it flew up my pant leg and managed to get me pretty good. I found out I am not allergic to wasps though, so thats good. I came in and put Benadryl spray on them right away and now the little bumps are gone. First time I've ever been stung and I'd prefer it be my last. After that when I was sitting on the couch watching the stings to make sure I didn't swell up, Kira added insult to injury by bouncing of me while playing with her ball and scratching my side pretty good. I couldnt even cut the pizza we had for lunch. I'm pretty much taking today as a stay home, go out as little as possible and take a nap day. Kira's working on buying herself a ticket out of this house if she doesnt stop chewing up our clothes. And doesnt start calming the f*ck down. Shes been getting pretty agressive at moments, and we want to have kids soon, and that shit isn't gonna work. Well I'm done bitching for now, I think I'll go take a nap here soon. Later.

I've been really bored lately and feeling like I need to improve my social skills, but social anxiety and Agoraphobia don't help with that. I know I dont talk enough on here but most of the time I feel like I'm just talking to myself anyways. So I went searching and found a pen pal site.

www.penpalnet.com

It takes a couple of days for them to approve your profile and for a free account you can only email two new people a day, but both the people I emailed replied back already today. One girl from Italy and another from Canada both 21 I think. They both seem interesting but I'm really excited about talking to the girl from Italy cause I love their culture, language, everything. So I think i can really learn a lot from her and she wants to learn about the US too actually a person who likes the US not like everyone else who mostly hate us because of our brain dead president fuck-face.

So, anyway, I recommend this site for those of you who are bored and want to talk to new people and learn about other cultures, they have people from everywhere on there and you can search the database for specific age, sex, and location of people to talk to. Well, thats enought for now, Talk at ya later. Outy!

It's been a long time since I've posted, just haven't felt like it I guess. I'm not gonna go through a whole life update thingy, that takes too long and not much has really changed.

Today, Richard and I went to the 63rd street flea market I found some really cute oriental dresses that will actually fit me and Maggie. So we went a head and bought them because they were only $20 each. Mine is a light purplish silver with little purple flowers and Maggies is red with gold flowers. And yes I know red is the traditional oriental brides color( thank you Maggie, smart ass.....)But the purple one was bigger than both the red ones they had. I still need to lose about 10-20 pounds to really fit into it. I don't think that'll be a problem though, cause I went to the doctor a few days ago and found out I lost about 4 pounds in the last 3 weeks and I haven't been trying that hard. I have a Gazelle now so I can excercise indoors and not in the fucked up Iowa weather.

Richard found a set of three swords and a stand all for only $30, that way he and his best man can have matching swords and the little ring bearer can wear the sheath of the little one anyway. The blades aren't sharpened but I still wont trust a three year old with a sword. Someone would get something hurt. So that took a big chunk of the stuff we needed for the wedding off the list. Bought paper goods and cake toppers the other day too. Just need to find a couple oriental shirts for the guys and something for the kids to wear in it. Most of the big stuff is taken care of though, that's the main thing.

Had a fun couple of weeks, been making myself get out and do stuff, skipped my therapist appointment yesterday though. Was just feeling off all day. Not bad though considering how much I've been out of the house lately. Well I think I typed enough for now.

I just have a few good wishes for Maggie neverfallinlove I hope you feel better soon and get everything figured out that you need to. I know that if anyone needs a break from suckiness it's you. Feel better love yas..... Later peeps.

This is how it works: comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.

neverfallinlove gave me the letter "R"........

1. Richard: My fiance and one true love. We are getting married Sep. 24th. Also the name of my Dad and brother. Apparently I can't get away from the name Richard.... Will probably also be the middle name of our son if we have one.

2. Rock: Pretty much the only kind of music I listen to, but all the different kinds from oldies to death metal. Grew up listening to classic rock.

3. Reading: An outlet I should really use more often. I love being able to open a book and be within a completely different would, in my mind I can become different characters and experience thingy I can't in the real world.

4. Relationships: From family to friends, my pets and Richard, my relationships are pretty much the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Even though I may not see most of them that often they're still in my heart and they are what keeps it beating. I hope I can create the most important relationship there is in the near future, I feel ready and can't wait to be the most important person to another being.

5. Reality: Something I have avoided in the past and just now really starting to see. I still don't always like it, but I'm learning to cope.

6. Risperidal: one of the three medications I am on for my anxiety. Probably the biggest obstacle in my life. But I dont feel as hopeless as before and I am determined to conquer it.

7. Red: One of my favorite colors, stands for love and passion. Red, black and purple are my favorite colors. Red stands for the fire that burns inside me, my hidden feelings and personalty. Inside me I believe I am really intense its just expressing these feelings that is the problem. Black, obviously is my dark side, the shadow I hide beneath. And purple I think might be the mix of the two, what usually comes out to my family and friends. Only two people in my life ever really even catch a glimpse of the red inside me. That was a really long explanation for a color.....

8. Rikki: My given nickname, my mom got it from someone I don't remember who, and I'm too lazy to call her and find out. I always kinda liked it except for the connection to Ricki Lake. When I was little I said that when I graduated highschool I was gonna start going by my middle name. I dont know why, I liked it, but I was going to Ankeny at the time and had really low self esteem from the way I was treated even in elementary school. I think I was planning on reinventing myself into a different person after school, cause I felt I wasn't good enough.

9. Room: I'm in the living room, I'm running out of words "R" is harder than I thought it would be. Room could also stand for the space I always put between me and others until I am sure I can truely trust them. Another side effect of my up bringing. I don't even trust close family in some aspects of my life.

10. Relieved: Relieved I am done and don't have to think that much anymore. Kind of surprised how personal this thing really got. Well I'm not ashamed of anything so it'll still be public, not that many people read my journal anyways.




Well, this was amusing and passed some time, so comment if you wish, and I will give you a letter....Later.

I just created a community, check it out here...4social_anxiety. If it sounds like something that intrests you, join. Thats all for now gotta post something over there now, so its not empty.

Just got home from bowling a little bit ago. We only have two weeks lfet. I'm gonna be sad when its over it's been fun. Hopefully I'm able to sign up agina this fall. Were finishing #1 even though there are still positioning rounds next week. We're ahead of the 2nd place team by five games, and their is only 4 games that count left. So yay.... and we get money, dom't know how much though. They split it up by how many games you win all together. So fun fun. I think I need to talk to my therapist about my meds again, and I know I cant quit my herbal medication rith no and I'm almost out, and have no money.... sucky sucky. I had weird dreams last night and for some reason I woke up twice really sad and crying, but my dreams weren't sad. I remember them and they were just weird distortions of my life. Like I was at my parents house, in the basment and they like extended part of the basment for another room, but when you go in the room you're above ground. My family and friends were all in my dreams and I dont remember being sad at all during any of it. My new meds give me more energy and amplify my happiness, but when I come down I crash and get really down. So I think its fucking with me in my sleep too. We I have an appointment on the 28th I should be fine until then, and if not he said I can call him anytime. So that helps, but I definatly need my herbal stuff to balance me out. Welp of to other things I go. Laters.

Sweet.....


Well gotta go get Richard. Bye.

I was finally added onto the insurance for the Vibe. My mom came over and used the computer for a little while, trying to find a job and a boyfriend. After that we went to the Village Inn in Ankeny then stopped by Walmart to visit Richard. He was getting ready to go on lunch when we got there so I took him in the Vibe to Wendys and left my Mommy so i good go cruising for a bit before I have to go back and pick Richard up from work. I found a new exercise plan, yard work. I've been working on raking the yard the last few days but filled up all the lawn bags for now. I could probably go all summer just raking cause of all the leaves and trash that blows into our yard. Today I trimmed the crab apple tree out back so Richards dad can cut it down easier. We'll see if he actullay does it before my OCD kicks in and I just run out there with the chain saw, like a bad horror movie. I also saw Turkey Kitty at Maggie's neverfallinlove 's house. I wish he was a kitten and girl so I could beg Richard to keep it but he would kill me. I hope maggie can catch him and get him to the ARL so he can have a nice home. Well better go check my email and stuff before I have to leave for Walmart, so later peeps.

Well, this last week has been interesting...NOT!!!! Spent the whole week from Monday on Richard and I spent trying to get a new car at Toyota of Des Moines. We finally did end up with a car yesterday, it's a 2005 Pontiac Vibe(will probly post pics tomorrow) It's pretty. I love I just cant wait till tuesday so we can go get me added to his insurance. Then I could DRRRRRIIIIVEE, yay! Look out Crazy Bucky gonna be back on the roooaad.... Yeah.Well getting tired and trying to find a jjob I can handle so we can easily afford the car, instead of struggling through it. Well Nitey Nighty....

Kira did really well last night too. We got up at 5:30 but that was my fault because I got up to go pee then couldn't get back to sleep, so I went ahead and took the puppy out and stayed up. Too anxious about the car, I cant wait to find out if we can get it today, and if we do we still need to get insurance on it, and I'll be added to it too so I can drive yay. I'm so happy, this is gonna be my first really new car. We had the Jeep which was an 01, but that was pretty much Richards cause I wasnt added on the insurance, we were going to but we didnt have the extra money and I dont really need to drive that often anyway. With as low as the gas mileage is on the Scion I can actually drive it and not worry about gas prices as much. So maybe this will get me out of the house more, and I won't be as much of a homebody. I'm really glad I have new anxiety meds, since I don't drive much, when I do its kinda bad. I think I can handle it though if we go to Iowa City and I get to drive some I should be fine, especially once I get used to all the new technoly and fuctions on it. Well I'm gonna go grab some breakfast and wake up Richard soon. Hopefully the financial guy will call us soon.Well that enough for now. Later......


AAhhhhh... I'm watching a preview thingy for a movie in which Eddie Izzard does the voice of a Koala bear.... Must See!!! "The Wild" must see definately.

My puppy Kira's stomach has been upset again. She was bleeding with her poopies, and I took her to the vet about a month ago. The vet said it wasn't anything serious, just watch her eating and he gave us some antibiotics just in case. Shes been doing really good, until yesterday. It seemed worse, and she threw up a couple time. We switched her treats since the appointment so I quit giving her those. She also has adopted my mental issues so she gets really depressed when shes locked up and not with me and she doesn't like changes either. Last night we decided to clean up our bedroom and she if she could sleep with us all night instead of being locked in her kennel all the time. We went to bed about 10-10:30 she did really good with us until 5am when Katana woke me up cause she wanted food, since I was up, Kira got up and started giving me kisses and wouldn't stop so i took her out to go potty and she did. We got back in and laid down, it took her a bit to get settled down. Oh and by the way my kitten Ashes is in heat, so she's really annoying and driving Kira and us all nuts. Kira was trying to calm down but Ashed wouldn't quit loving up and making pidgy noises all over. Kira couldn't take it and was tromping all over us trying to get her, so we finally shut the cats out and after that Kira did fine till I woke up at 10:30. No potty accidents or chewed things. So an overall plus.

So after all that we woke up and went to Broadlawns so I could get blood tests and pee in a cup...yay. Then we stopped in Daydreams and ate at Jimmy Johns. After which we went to the Toyota dealership. We went to go look into a Toyota Matrix, but they only had new ones just a bit out of our price range so the guy showed us a Scion xA which is pretty much a mini Matrix. We looked at a 2005 Scion xA with only 11,000 miles and only costs 13-something. We really liked it so we filed some paper work set up a trade in on the Jeep and put and down payment on it, and now were just waiting to here back from the bank about a loan cause it got a little too late by the time we got everything done. So cross your fingers with us, hopefully we can get it tomorrow. If we do, and get it early enough tomorrow and everything works out right were taking it to Iowa City with Maggie YAY! Well gonna take the puppy out and go to bed. Later all.


( Scion pictures....... )

Yesterday, I went to Broadlawns to see a Nurse Practitioner, in hopes of eventually getting in to see a therapist. And I needed refills that were running out and was hoping to get someone who would give me different drugs than the one Ive been on for three years or more and don't do much for me. My main issue right now is my anxiety, social especially. Also, my agoraphobia gradually getting worse scares me cause I've gotten really bad with it in the past, and its not pleasant. Well, anyway, I saw this guy and the first plus was, he spoke real english, not with a major Indian?(I think) accent, like the last one I saw. Really annoying. He actually asked a lot of questions about my history of mental illness and family history, and all relevant questions too. He even suggested therapy, which is what I wanted in the first place, but the other guy wouldn't set me up with it. He's even giving me blood tests, because he heard of some ill effects of one of the meds I've been on, just to make sure that its not causing issues. I also got put on a new anti-anxiety pill called Clonazepam, which common brand name is Klonopin, never heard of either but he explained the side effects which for the most part might turn me into a Zombie, but I'm supposed to call him if it does. He really seems to care. I told him I've been smoking pot pretty much daily for the past three months or so, to help with anxiety and depression, and he didn't give me shit about it or tell me to stop. He actually looked like he understood. He also set me up with a therapist who I'll see this Fri. and I see him again in a month. I have to go in Mon. morning before I eat anything for blood tests. I actually feel a little less hopeless, and will probably actually make it to all my appointments now that I know someone is competent enough to understand my problems, and not brush it off as normal stress crap. But my life isn't that stressful other than my mental issues.

Stolen from neverfallinlove and iamnotanoctopus.....


( Yes or No )